I was debating whether to post a couple more writings. We have gotten positive feedback from quite a few people saying that they appreciate the glimpse into our lives, into our thoughts, as we continue to mourn our daughter Eleanor.
Since I couldn’t decide, I let Kristi read them and asked what she thought about posting them. She pretty much echoed the sentiment that you readers would appreciate the frank emotion and short peek into our lives.
She also said she appreciated reading them in my hand writing. So I’m trying something new. I scanned the writings from the book that I have been writing in. It did not appreciate being squished into the scanner, but I hope you enjoy the results. If you have trouble reading the images, scroll to the bottom for transcriptions.
First, a letter to Ellie:
And, a poem to Kathy:
Transcription in case you have trouble reading my writing. First, a letter to Ellie:
I hope you know how much you mean to me… Even though you only lived briefly outside of mommy’s tummy, we fell deeply in love with you. In the 9 months leading up to your birth, we got to know your squiggles, your movements and kicks. We would sit on the couch, me with my hand on mommy’s belly, feeling you move. At night I would read you a story—usually Fox in Socks. We thought the rhythm would interest you and even comfort you after you were born.
I had many expectations for you. And at the same time none. There were many things I wanted to do with you, but I would have been so happy to let you be you and develop into the person you would become.
You died an hour after you were born. One expectation every parent has is that their child will outlive them. This did not happen for me and you.
But really, even that does not matter. You are still my daughter and I loved every minute I got to spend with you! I just wish there could have been more.
With deep profound love,
And, a poem for Kathy:
I like being close to you
feeling warm skin on warm skin
laying my head on your chest
You remind me of our little one
who we loved and nurtured
as best we could
Your love makes
our heavy burden